today + yesterday tuesday 4.1.25
i went on a date yesterday. it was really nice but i felt bad about how awkward i was honestly. kind of can't be helped because it was my first time hanging out with her in person but still. also ended up going back to my dorm and it was honestly a mess. i really need to clean up but i've been so bone tired lately. it sucks.
today was supposed to be a day of student workshops. i was really looking forward to it but once again i was too tired to go. which sucked. i didn't really sleep well. went to my first class but skipped the second. i got to hang out with ff7 though—he's a cool guy and i'm really glad i met him. we got boba and noodles in town then hung out in my dorm for a bit. i drove him back. it was nice to take the bus into town and it was nice to talk to him about plurality and stupid shit. i feel like we have an understanding of sorts. he's rlly cute but i need to work on NOT shoehorning myself into homoerotic friendships. because it causes me severe anguish every time lol.
i'm honestly just hanging out in bed now. i'm really sleepy but i dosed dxm a while ago and it'll be lame if i sleep through the peak lol. it is nice to just catch up on discord and scroll tumblr. i feel like i somehow haven't had time for anything lately. i'm not making progress on homework AND not caught up on online stuff simultaneously somehow.
other loose/misc thoughts:
- showed my friend (d) who is deeply invested in human sexuality studies and stuff my last blog post and i kind of regret it just because he's a lot more knowledgeable than me about the subject and he gave a bunch of critique on it. which is fine but i wasn't quite in the right headspace for that. i guess.
- i feel bad that i missed my friend's (ak) lecture during student workshops today. i really wanted to go but it was 2 hours long and on a subject i don't know ANYTHING about so i don't think i could have handled it unfortunately.
- i wish people i know irl would stop showing up on dating app feeds. esp people who i think are hot. i've lamented this already but omfg. it sucks because of the repression and the aforementioned shoehorning myself into feeling specific things.
- i'm sick of dating apps in general. i don't really need a romantic relationship or want one. i just like having some sort of kink-related/sexual connections in my life. unfortunately dating apps SUCK for that. and so does the irl kink scene. not really lol that's a lie. but kind of. because specifically locally i'm always at risk of running into specific people i REALLY don't want to see at events like that.
- i really want to start writing fic again.